A Friday of 2 Extremes!

I will start with the good news: The department chairs and administrative staff gave me a surprise baby shower! (although I almost missed it.) We had a student around 1:15 have a seizure and he seizured until the ambulance got there (about 20min). I thought I was going to have to go with him to the hospital but the other assistant went. So, I was able to enjoy the surprise. I received lots of wonderful things that she will be able to use. All the clothing was 12 - 18 months so they will come in so handy later. They had some great cake and punch and the best gift came from my fellow assistant principals and principal......a 100.00 gift certificate to a spa along with babysitting services provided by the principal's secretary, now how cool is that! I really am amazed as to how great the people that I work with are. I really am very happy to be at this school surrounded with these good people, and not because they give gifts but because they genuinely care.
Now to the downer....I got home and checked my email only to get a two page email from one of my professors explaining I had failed all 3 parts of the comprehensive exam, the portfolio, the presentation and the 45 minute question and answer! Now my first reaction was tears (I am pregnant) and then I was pissed! Now my pride and ego haven't taken a hit like this in a looooong time so I made sure I caught myself before I decided to make a phone call to this professor. Here was my main reason for calling, I had a professor from this program look through my portfolio and say I was in good shape. Unfortunately for me, he wasn't on the 3 person committee that I had yesterday. Also, I went through a "mock presentation" last May where I was told and given written feedback that all was ok. So how did I go from being acceptable to not? Needless to say the phone call was just a way for me to vent. But I wanted this professor and the committee to know that I had received conflicting information and if that is the case how would I know I was below standard. He commented that about 70% of the students who have taken the comp failed. As an educator, I pointed out that that comment does not prove well for their program! We are products of them!! The other thing I addressed was a comment he wrote in the email. He stated," This must move beyond your comfort zone of public education," Well, I am a teacher...public education is my profession so why would I be asked to move away from the area I exhibit leadership. He listened empathetically and I tried not to be rude.
I am going to take a hard look at whether I am going to move forward with this. I have always started what I finish but I dont know that this is really worth it. I am sure part of what I am feeling is the "rawness" of feeling inadequate about failing so maybe my feelings will change. I had an assistant principal tell me this morning(he has his doctorate), "Maggie this is an endurance race....you just have to outlast them. hang in there." Of course he said this before I knew I had actually bombed all 3 parts! Well the bottom line is..."it is what it is" now I have to decide if I am going to keep going or bow out gracefully. Only 3% of doctorate degrees are earned by Hispanics, that statistic is brutal so it nudges me to keep going being that I am so close. Who knows what I will come up with....I think of the example I need to be for my daughter, if this were her coming to me and asking what to do...I would tell her to suck it up and finish it! I think I have my answer:)